“to be loved or to fall in love?”


It’s been 7 months since my last post so I think I have to update this and nooooooow I just wanna share something that’s actually not important. At all. You can skip this post please skip this please don’t read bcs I’d die in embarrassment.

This post will be suuuuuwper corny and cheesey and make you cringey I rarely bring my love life as a topic but…….I just feel like I want to tell someone a story……and I choose this platform.

“to be loved or to fall in love?”

This is actually an old question that popped up in my askfm few months ago and all of sudden I remember this question when…I…broke…up…with…my…boyfriend…hehe. So yeah, I just broke up with my boyfriend around last month, we had been together for 2,5 years, but I called it off because I feel some things didn’t work for both of us.

I’m not being delusional or what, this is what my friends had told to me, and I realize it too…that my (ex)boyfriend loved me so much. So much to the point that he was really afraid of breaking up with me, to the point that we never ever argued bcs he would be the one who gave in and apologize to me.

When that question popped up in my askfm, I confidently answered “To be loved, because being loved doesn’t hurt you.” But, after I think about it again, being loved doesn’t hurt you, but being loved gives you burden. Maybe bcs I was oftenly being the one who fall in love deeply but never being loved back,  I thought being loved is something that will really make you happy, and then the reality hits me. Hard.

I feel like a b*tch when he loved me so much but I can’t give him the same portion of love, actually this is one of the reasons why I broke up. It made me feel like I was the only one who’s bad and didn’t appreciate someone’s feelings. Esp after breaking up, my friends said, “Poor him, at least you should give him some attention.” I feel like…bruh…I can’t force my feelings??? Talking about appreciating feeling, why don’t you appreciate mine too?

And this relationship gives me a lesson…..that being loved sometimes gives you burden, esp when you can’t give them the same portion of love. And I feel more comfortable to fall in love rather than being loved. It doesn’t matter if they reject me or what, I like to keep it as a secret anyway and I’m getting used if he doesn’t end up with me tho. It sounds selfish and pathetic, doesn’t it? LOL idk why I’m bursting out laughing. Lik, you watch korean drama too much.

In conclusion, like what my featured image said, “The best feeling in the world is being loved back by the person you love.” it seems impossible for me tho…HAHA.

So that’s all haha I’m afraid that you’ll throw up after reading this post. This is purely my opinion so…I hope you respect it? See you in the next post!






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